theworstthingsforsale:

Let me admit that I haven’t read “Cosmo’s Sexiest Stories Ever: Three Naughty Tales,” but I’d imagine it goes something like this.

Caroline touched Gregory’s weenie lightly, with her fingernails, because she knew it drove men crazy. “Wow,” Gregory said. “Wow, a lot, those fingernails are sexy.” Caroline smiled, and then took about 6 ice cubes and rubbed them on his huevos.

“That’s a cold and sexy huevo!” Gregory screamed. “Get that huevo mega sexy!” He leaned back, and sighed, and said “I’m definitely taking the kids to soccer tonight. You just relax and have a hot bath.”

Caroline smiled. It was so mega sexy for her man to do that. “You’re cooking dinner, too,” she purred, rubbing another ice cube on his huevo.

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    GET THAT HUEVO MEGA SEXY. SIRIUSLI. Just only for that I’ve stopped taking this stuff seriously.

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